If you feel like you and your spouse or partner have “lost that lovin’ feeling,” don’t despair. It’s not uncommon, and it doesn’t have to be permanent. Like anything worthwhile, maintaining a healthy romantic relationship takes time and effort. Here are some tips and ideas to help you recapture some of the magic.
With today’s hectic lifestyles, couples often neglect each other. “We schedule time for our friends, to get a pedicure, business meetings and kids’ soccer games, however we neglect to schedule time as a couple,” said Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, CSC, CSE, a urology PA and a certified sexual health counselor and educator at Pisgah Urology in Brevard.
Reversing that trend takes planning and attention, just like when you were first dating. “Scheduling time alone with your partner is a must,” said Fosnight. “I recommend at least a 10-minute conversation daily, a 30-minute conversation or in-home date night once a week, one date night away from the house per month and at least two overnight dates once a year.”
Rx for Kissing
More than just romantic, kissing programs the brain to stimulate feelings of emotion and connection to our partner. Yet the routine peck on the cheek you give your mate on the way out the door isn’t enough, said Fosnight.
“My best tip I give couples is to kiss — a passionate kiss at least once daily,” explained Fosnight. “A passionate kiss for at least one to two minutes is required to get the full effects of what kissing can do for your body and for you as a couple. Three important chemicals are released during a passionate kiss: dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin — they stimulate the pleasure center of our brain to help with attachment, feelings of euphoria and help to decrease stress.”
If you really want to improve your relationship, it’s time to stop making excuses and start doing, advised Fosnight. “When you really want something in life, you will do anything to get it — promotions at work, that new car, the newest cell phone … why should your relationship be any different?”
Fosnight suggested getting started by turning off technology and turning up the foreplay. “Foreplay happens all the time, embrace every moment (even the small ones) to fuel your libido and the fire in your belly,” said Fosnight. “Using everyday moments and viewing them as sexy will set your brain up for intimacy.”
Sexual Health FAQs
Wondering how common your feelings and issues are? Here are some of the most frequent patient questions asked of Fosnight, a urology PA and certified sexual health counselor and educator:
- I want to be intimate again, how do I do that?
- Why do I have low libido or why am I not interested in sex?
- Sex is painful, what is wrong with me?
- How can I get it to work again (erectile dysfunction and female orgasmic issues)?
Aleece Fosnight, MSPAS, PA-C, CSC, CSE, is a urology PA and a certified sexual health counselor and educator at Pisgah Urology in Brevard.